Fall Loneliness & Going Inside Anyways
It's funny how things work out. Problems, they work themselves. Out. Answers arrive just as the ship is leaving. Regrets arrise when you think your ship is coming in. The pendulum back and forth across the spectrum. The cycles of seasons, the cyclical death and rebirth or just a little less... injury and renewal. The sick swish of the sickle through the harvest, the reaping of what has been sewn. So... Sew? Remembering another future as the past catches up with you... nowabouts. But about this now, how... how do we hold onto that knowledge of doing the good things, and leaving the other things... undone.
Here's an idea! Go back through the years, in your memory banks (or your wall, if you will) and go ahead a season. Heresy! But it could work. I think... and sometimes I feel alone in this, don't we all, but I think that communicating with oneself is as easy as reminding yourself with the memories and keepsakes at the time when those things become alive, vital. These can be good times, and these can be hard times, and sometimes both.
I'm not gonna lie... no I'm about to do the opposite, I'm going to share a deep truth with the world, likely to find that it's really pretty shallow, no biggie, it's just that things unsaid and unthought of become a weight of indeterminate doggiedoo in the brain that wasn't. So let's make it become something. It may have to go through awkward phases of things that it doesn't really want to be. But that's why it's called "going through", it is just to get to the next and better thing. I don't know why I insist on sharing these rambles with the world.
Oh yeah, I do know. I'm not gonna lie. I've been feeling lonely. Maybe it's the weather, maybe it's the season, maybe old habits. Lost commitments. Anyways, I even bought a self-help book called "the anatomy of loneliness". Haven't gotten too far into it. It's pretty instructive, she says that loneliness comes from a lack of connection, yes, but especially with oneself. And not to seek from others the cure to this until you are individually cured, on your own. Because we are all connected to something greater, and have the capacity to get in touch with that. Easier said than done though, right?
I think for me, this is a practice right here. It is called "consciousness", and it's not all woo-woo mystical. It's something that is the right and domain for everyone. It's a combination of active thought (that's what this posting is) and subconscious or automatic action... the product and purpose of the thought.
I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, a lot of exploring, and I don't think it's all for nothing. I'm anticipating a season of going-inward more, more quietude, reading, working, creatively perhaps, or attentively (that's the part where you let other people be creative and explore, and you either sit-back and hold on to your high hat, or you lean in and yearn to write the next chapter yourself). Hmmmm what is the opposite of creativity, in a word? Cuz it's a balance, no? What we absolutely have to make ourselves, and what we happily digest from our hero artists?
We are connected to them, to, albeit and not to be diminished, through an intermediate, a piece of work, a recording, a legacy that might lead to a personal connection with the creator, or some creator. And so, not to diminish but I hope to agrandize & highlight and supersell the artists and folk you look up to, whether you know them personally or not. And this may come through being inspired to create your own work as a follow-up, or by seeking out more of theirs, or deepening your experience of their work. Give it that extra listen. Put on the headphones late at night and hear the subtext, the overtones. Put that nightlamp on and look into not just the story but the process, the life that was breathed into that work, of art, & there is a place to find connection, gratitude, the feeling like your being held by a greater power.
I know that these days there are times when I could use a big hug, and other times when I could use a little kick in the butt. Fortunately, there are materials to help me find my own help in achieving this. Anways, go ahead and comment if you're feeling brave, too. I'm much less easily offended these days (sheepish face) so... go-on. You can do it. I believe in you. Shoot me down!!! Or help me up. Both, if you can swing it.
Here's an idea! Go back through the years, in your memory banks (or your wall, if you will) and go ahead a season. Heresy! But it could work. I think... and sometimes I feel alone in this, don't we all, but I think that communicating with oneself is as easy as reminding yourself with the memories and keepsakes at the time when those things become alive, vital. These can be good times, and these can be hard times, and sometimes both.
I'm not gonna lie... no I'm about to do the opposite, I'm going to share a deep truth with the world, likely to find that it's really pretty shallow, no biggie, it's just that things unsaid and unthought of become a weight of indeterminate doggiedoo in the brain that wasn't. So let's make it become something. It may have to go through awkward phases of things that it doesn't really want to be. But that's why it's called "going through", it is just to get to the next and better thing. I don't know why I insist on sharing these rambles with the world.
Oh yeah, I do know. I'm not gonna lie. I've been feeling lonely. Maybe it's the weather, maybe it's the season, maybe old habits. Lost commitments. Anyways, I even bought a self-help book called "the anatomy of loneliness". Haven't gotten too far into it. It's pretty instructive, she says that loneliness comes from a lack of connection, yes, but especially with oneself. And not to seek from others the cure to this until you are individually cured, on your own. Because we are all connected to something greater, and have the capacity to get in touch with that. Easier said than done though, right?
I think for me, this is a practice right here. It is called "consciousness", and it's not all woo-woo mystical. It's something that is the right and domain for everyone. It's a combination of active thought (that's what this posting is) and subconscious or automatic action... the product and purpose of the thought.
I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, a lot of exploring, and I don't think it's all for nothing. I'm anticipating a season of going-inward more, more quietude, reading, working, creatively perhaps, or attentively (that's the part where you let other people be creative and explore, and you either sit-back and hold on to your high hat, or you lean in and yearn to write the next chapter yourself). Hmmmm what is the opposite of creativity, in a word? Cuz it's a balance, no? What we absolutely have to make ourselves, and what we happily digest from our hero artists?
We are connected to them, to, albeit and not to be diminished, through an intermediate, a piece of work, a recording, a legacy that might lead to a personal connection with the creator, or some creator. And so, not to diminish but I hope to agrandize & highlight and supersell the artists and folk you look up to, whether you know them personally or not. And this may come through being inspired to create your own work as a follow-up, or by seeking out more of theirs, or deepening your experience of their work. Give it that extra listen. Put on the headphones late at night and hear the subtext, the overtones. Put that nightlamp on and look into not just the story but the process, the life that was breathed into that work, of art, & there is a place to find connection, gratitude, the feeling like your being held by a greater power.
I know that these days there are times when I could use a big hug, and other times when I could use a little kick in the butt. Fortunately, there are materials to help me find my own help in achieving this. Anways, go ahead and comment if you're feeling brave, too. I'm much less easily offended these days (sheepish face) so... go-on. You can do it. I believe in you. Shoot me down!!! Or help me up. Both, if you can swing it.
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