Fake it Till You Make it
(1A)
This is a PSA in letters and words of non-representative symbology
about how those overly specific mostly non-visual imag.inations can
nevertheless elicit experiential goodness in the mind and emotional
presence of the reader/thinker/responder/conversationalist.
(2B) This is me talking to you about thoughts and feelings.
...I feel like I prefer (2B) still, but (1A) has potential. My problem come from the individual’s isolated authority bias. It sounds good to me, because I’m the one who came up with it. So it’s familiar to my way of thinking. But I’m not here for closed circuit control. I want input. Even if it’s complaint, confusion, conflict, not trolling per se but well. Dogs know the difference between fighting and playing way better than I do. Good dogs get into scraps with each other all the time but they never rip each other’s throats out. (That would be bad). They are friends. By definition, we are friends. There are no FB enemies. Frenemies, maybe. Go with me on this one. Or against me.
I’m writing because some of the best experiences I’ve had lately have been from in-depth mind changing conversations I’ve had with friends. So here I go again rambling at the wall. It’s my wall, so even if you all just watch distantly, I’ve gained something. Writing is different from thinking. Maybe because of you the audience, the paper trail, or just that it forces one to articulate and in that process you gesticulate more. It’s good to “chew the fat”.
Status: today I feel a bit sad, a bit bored. But it is by contrast. I had a thrillingly good summer, family friends reunions concerts, a lot of ups and some down time. I am going to attempt to verbal my way out of this dip in mood. It’s mostly for me, but maybe you can relate.
It feels like the end of a season. It was a good season. But there are more good things coming, and it’s my job to prepare for them. Suddenly, though, I had to take a breather. This worried me a bit, because if I know myself and I’m not careful, I could go from a happy high into a slump of depression for no apparent reason.
That’s good awareness. Sometimes the feelings disappear, and you just have to take the effort to chase them if you can, or if not, be present with the emptiness. Emptiness is way better than sadness.
I found myself dreaming I was thinking aloud with some good friends and then I wrapped my body around a large tree and slowly climbed back into consciousness.
It’s funny, I may have spent my teen years fighting, fending off, killing any emotion that tried to find purchase. Oops. But now I have achieved a pretty consistent equanimity. Not that I have to face a lot of terrible challenges. Working in a high-volume restaurant taught me to overcome anxieties about what or how much work was coming down the pipe.
So now I want to find myself doing any kind of odd work that I’m capable of, to keep busy but to try to learn lessons like that I hadn’t anticipated. Life is a game worth playing. Even when you lose, you can find a way to win. Those lessons just keep coming, no?
So if I’m feeling down, I give myself this pep talk. I’m always seeking inspiration of some sort, from the world or from yours truly. “In-spiration” is literally “breathing in”. It is constant, life giving, necessary. It’s not just for artists. Creativity takes all forms and functions. I literally had to go outside to a quiet spot where I could hear the crickets and breath the cool summer air to write this. I miss camping. But even in the city I require plenty of outdoors time.
There are chemicals and inputs involved. Depression is real. This may sound trite, but I would advise myself and others to “fake it till you make it”. Have you ever felt like the world changed pressure settings, like everything was dimmed and muted and you had to just “pop your ears” to re-acclimate? Sometimes that happens emotionally, and there’s no easy fix. It could literally be that your brain is out of happy chemicals. In such a case, it is some consolation to remember what used to make you happy, and to do that by rote as if it is still important. I believe this. Don’t let being down get you down. That does sound impossible. But I’ve gone through ordinary slumps like this and gotten out of it, by being hyper-aware of it and by pushing anyways. Even when you don’t get a response.
So that is my attempt at wisdom going into the next phase. It might seem like ages until the next refill station. It’s not all woo-woo. There are real forces at work. Some of them are even understandable. Let’s applaud ourselves for progress, take pause and peace if we need to, and get ready for a new and exciting change. Change is good. It just so happens that it happens all the time.
Sorry if I’m talking about myself and you wanted me to talk about you.
Later this week I’m going to write a long reflection on my awesome summer. Am I the only one doing this??? Stay posted.
(2B) This is me talking to you about thoughts and feelings.
...I feel like I prefer (2B) still, but (1A) has potential. My problem come from the individual’s isolated authority bias. It sounds good to me, because I’m the one who came up with it. So it’s familiar to my way of thinking. But I’m not here for closed circuit control. I want input. Even if it’s complaint, confusion, conflict, not trolling per se but well. Dogs know the difference between fighting and playing way better than I do. Good dogs get into scraps with each other all the time but they never rip each other’s throats out. (That would be bad). They are friends. By definition, we are friends. There are no FB enemies. Frenemies, maybe. Go with me on this one. Or against me.
I’m writing because some of the best experiences I’ve had lately have been from in-depth mind changing conversations I’ve had with friends. So here I go again rambling at the wall. It’s my wall, so even if you all just watch distantly, I’ve gained something. Writing is different from thinking. Maybe because of you the audience, the paper trail, or just that it forces one to articulate and in that process you gesticulate more. It’s good to “chew the fat”.
Status: today I feel a bit sad, a bit bored. But it is by contrast. I had a thrillingly good summer, family friends reunions concerts, a lot of ups and some down time. I am going to attempt to verbal my way out of this dip in mood. It’s mostly for me, but maybe you can relate.
It feels like the end of a season. It was a good season. But there are more good things coming, and it’s my job to prepare for them. Suddenly, though, I had to take a breather. This worried me a bit, because if I know myself and I’m not careful, I could go from a happy high into a slump of depression for no apparent reason.
That’s good awareness. Sometimes the feelings disappear, and you just have to take the effort to chase them if you can, or if not, be present with the emptiness. Emptiness is way better than sadness.
I found myself dreaming I was thinking aloud with some good friends and then I wrapped my body around a large tree and slowly climbed back into consciousness.
It’s funny, I may have spent my teen years fighting, fending off, killing any emotion that tried to find purchase. Oops. But now I have achieved a pretty consistent equanimity. Not that I have to face a lot of terrible challenges. Working in a high-volume restaurant taught me to overcome anxieties about what or how much work was coming down the pipe.
So now I want to find myself doing any kind of odd work that I’m capable of, to keep busy but to try to learn lessons like that I hadn’t anticipated. Life is a game worth playing. Even when you lose, you can find a way to win. Those lessons just keep coming, no?
So if I’m feeling down, I give myself this pep talk. I’m always seeking inspiration of some sort, from the world or from yours truly. “In-spiration” is literally “breathing in”. It is constant, life giving, necessary. It’s not just for artists. Creativity takes all forms and functions. I literally had to go outside to a quiet spot where I could hear the crickets and breath the cool summer air to write this. I miss camping. But even in the city I require plenty of outdoors time.
There are chemicals and inputs involved. Depression is real. This may sound trite, but I would advise myself and others to “fake it till you make it”. Have you ever felt like the world changed pressure settings, like everything was dimmed and muted and you had to just “pop your ears” to re-acclimate? Sometimes that happens emotionally, and there’s no easy fix. It could literally be that your brain is out of happy chemicals. In such a case, it is some consolation to remember what used to make you happy, and to do that by rote as if it is still important. I believe this. Don’t let being down get you down. That does sound impossible. But I’ve gone through ordinary slumps like this and gotten out of it, by being hyper-aware of it and by pushing anyways. Even when you don’t get a response.
So that is my attempt at wisdom going into the next phase. It might seem like ages until the next refill station. It’s not all woo-woo. There are real forces at work. Some of them are even understandable. Let’s applaud ourselves for progress, take pause and peace if we need to, and get ready for a new and exciting change. Change is good. It just so happens that it happens all the time.
Sorry if I’m talking about myself and you wanted me to talk about you.
Later this week I’m going to write a long reflection on my awesome summer. Am I the only one doing this??? Stay posted.
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